4 Ways To Cope With Grief Over The Holiday Season
Grief is complicated and shows up differently in everyone. It can also appear at unexpected times. When the holiday season rolls around, there can be a lot of pressure to feel the excitement and joy of others around you. You may wish you could hit pause on your and your family's grieving process, but unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
Although accepting loss can be more manageable over time, you carry it forever. There are some methods that can help you alleviate the feelings you are experiencing. If you or a loved one is grieving, here are four ways to cope with grief over the holiday season.
What Is Grief?
Grief is how we react to a loss. Everyone copes and responds uniquely, so it can look different from person to person. The process has many ups and downs and may even be a delayed reaction. You cannot predict your progress or when it will start and end. Over time, the pain can lessen, but there is no timetable since your progress may feel uneven.
There are no concrete stages of grief since everyone has an individual experience. However, there are styles and behaviors you may resonate with. When trying to accept the unacceptable, these are common feelings you might experience.
Denial: Often, denial can look like avoidance, forgetting, keeping busy, thinking you are fine and feel like numbness, confusion and shutting down.
Anger: This can look like irritability, aggressiveness, increased alcohol or drug use and feel like frustration, impatience and feeling out of control.
Bargaining: When you are bargaining, it can look like overthinking, ruminating, comparing or thinking about what you should have done. It could feel like guilt, anxiety and insecurity.
Depression: There are many ways you can experience depression, like reduced energy and social interest, crying and appetite changes. Common feelings can include hopelessness, sadness and disappointment.
Acceptance: Engaging in reality, adapting and tolerating your emotions are indicators of acceptance. It can feel like wisdom, validation and courageousness.
If you do not reach a state of acceptance, it may be because you are fighting against or avoiding reality. You may stay busy or use unhealthy coping mechanisms to prevent distress. However, acceptance is the ultimate goal when experiencing grief.
Coping With Grief During the Holiday Season
The first step you can take during the holidays is to acknowledge the holiday season is difficult. Whether it is the anticipation or the actual holiday itself, it can be equally as difficult for you and your children. These are some ways to guide you and your family through the holidays.
1. Set Boundaries with Events
You may feel pressure to attend parties, gatherings or shows with friends and family. Remember that you can participate or not participate in what feels right. Check in with your and your family's readiness to take on these kinds of days.
If you commit to these plans, you can feel comfort in the idea that while it may sound fun at the time, you do not have to go. If you go, you do not have to stay the entire time either. It is OK to opt out or cut things short when dealing with grief. Finding a balance and not pushing your limits is a healthy way to navigate holiday events with your family.
2. Tune Into Your Emotions
Grief does not stop during the holidays and can sometimes feel magnified. As a parent, taking care of your emotions is essential instead of ignoring them. You may feel a mix of positive and negative emotions, which is normal. All feelings can coexist, especially during a traditionally happy time.
It can be tempting to numb feelings with drugs or alcohol. If you anticipate difficult emotions and prepare for them, it can help with negative consequences. Masking feelings will not help you heal any quicker. There is no quick fix to go through grief — instead, talk to someone you trust about memories or feelings you are experiencing.
3. Allow This Year to Be Different
Trying to create a perfect holiday will cause even more pressure on yourself. Children can be sensitive to stress, so do not take on more than you can handle. If you do not have the energy to cook for the whole family, order out or ask someone else to take over your roles if you can.
It can be helpful to honor some of your old traditions. Doing so can keep the memory present of someone you lost, but making new traditions doesn’t erase old ones. Your loved one would want you and everyone in your family to enjoy the holidays. Validate and acknowledge any feelings that may arise.
4. Discuss Emotions with Children
As a parent, you want to support your children during challenging times just like you want to support yourself. Depending on the age of your children, loss may be challenging to explain. Helping your kids understand what is going on can help the family deal with grief better. Here is how your kids may view loss when expressing how they feel:
Ages 3-5: Physical relocation, deceased live elsewhere
Ages 5-9: Often personified and can be avoided
Ages 9-10: Universal, inevitable and irreversible
Gently Approach the Holidays
The holiday season may not be as joyous as you want it to be. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to go about these times. Be kind to yourself and your family while taking each event and feeling at a time.