Common Struggles Men Avoid Talking About
Presented by BetterHelp.
Historically, men have been known to be closed off about their feelings. Although they might not be very open, that doesn’t mean they don’t experience hardships in life. Instead, many have grown used to hiding their true feelings.
Our behaviors often are direct reflections of our emotional state. Being able to understand the emotions driving a man’s behavior can be essential to asking the right questions and getting honest answers.
An awareness of some of the most common struggles among men can promote a greater understanding of the difficulties they face. Continue reading to learn more about some of the most prevalent challenges men encounter throughout their lifetimes and how you can offer support.
Struggles Men Avoid Sharing With Others
Men who are going through difficult times in life may keep their experiences to themselves as a defense mechanism. Some common struggles to be aware of include:
Financial burdens and responsibilities: Although every family situation varies, men are more likely to be responsible for providing financially. The stress of being the breadwinner can be difficult to handle, particularly when unexpected costs come up or layoffs occur at work. The feeling of being unable to provide for their family can be overwhelming, but men may feel too ashamed about the situation to open up.
Poor mental health: Although men struggle with their mental health just like anyone else, many shy away from talking about it. Depression, anxiety, and stress are all common among men, but they usually try to work through these issues on their own so they don’t appear weak. Some feel more comfortable silently struggling than risking the chance of being embarrassed, made fun of, or misunderstood by telling someone.
Problems at work: Many men feel a sense of pride in their careers, which keeps them from telling anyone when they’re struggling in the workplace. This pridefulness is often caused by the weight of being a provider for their family. Men who lose their jobs may not even tell their partners right away due to feelings of shame or guilt. For some, work gives them purpose, and having that taken away can be distressing.
Conflict in their relationships: Every relationship experiences some type of conflict, but men may be more closed off when it comes to talking about these issues, both with their partner as well as others they’re closest with. Many men are “fixers” and try to find practical, quick solutions to the problems in their relationships. However, many obstacles take time to work through. Men may not feel that they have the capacity to talk about their feelings, so they end up avoiding them. Although therapy for infidelity, communication problems, financial issues, and other hurdles can help, both partners must be fully willing to engage in the healing process.
Addiction: Whether it’s with gambling, pornography, drugs, or alcohol, addiction can take over a man’s life and lead to feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings may hold a man back from reaching out for help, as they may not want anyone looking at them differently.
Men’s reactions to these issues can vary, depending on the severity of the situation, their level of comfort with their loved ones, and their perceived ability to cope by themselves.
Why Do Men Stay Quiet About How They Feel?
One of the biggest reasons men might choose to withhold their true feelings is because of the expectations put on them by society. Boys commonly hear phrases like “man up” or “men don’t cry” as they grow up, which can impress upon them for the rest of their adult lives. Although these phrases can be detrimental, men may pass them on to their sons because it’s all they know.
Men may also feel that opening up about their feelings will cause them to look weak or that they’ll be judged for having feelings at all. While some people could have this reaction, in general, loved ones tend to have positive reactions when someone they care about expresses themselves. However, men may not have the chance to realize this if they never take an opportunity to be open.
Encouraging Men To Share Their Struggles
Men might be prone to hiding their feelings, but there has been a big push in recent years to change this trend. Some of the ways you can support and encourage men to share what’s on their mind include:
Share your own feelings: Sharing your perspective and feelings with someone can promote trust and help them feel more comfortable with you. Practice vulnerability with the men you’re close with and allow them to do the same.
Withhold judgment: When a man opens up to you about something, it’s crucial to avoid criticism or judgment. Instead, express empathy for their situation and remind them that they’re brave for coming to you.
Ask how you can help: When a man trusts you with their feelings, it’s helpful to ask how you can support them. Maybe they just need a listening ear or want someone to help them find a therapist. Being in their corner can help them feel less alone.
Listen: Instead of offering advice, do your best to simply listen. Sometimes, all a person needs is someone to hear them vent about their worries, fears, sadness, or doubts
Be their safe place: When speaking with a man, it’s important to show warmth, acceptance, and empathy. Ensure they know that their thoughts and feelings are safe with you and that you have their back.
It’s critical for men to understand that their feelings are normal, valid, and nothing to be ashamed of. Although there’s still lots of work to do, society has made great strides in encouraging men to embrace and express their feelings. While you may just be one person, don’t underestimate your ability to have an impact on those around you. When just one man feels comfortable with you, they can then act as a safe place for another, who can provide support to another, and so on. All of these efforts can add up, creating a safer, more accepting world for boys and men.