Patient Parenting: 5 Ways To Support Your Kids Without Being Overbearing
Raising children isn’t easy. Challenges are a natural part of life, and learning to be a parent in the midst of trying to survive as an adult yourself can be overwhelming at times. Children have minds of their own, and as you balance their needs and yours, mistakes are inevitable. How can you be there for them without being overbearing? Here are five strategies that should help you strike the right balance:
1. Start With A Solid Education
The value of education isn’t exactly a mystery, but gaining an education isn’t as simple as going to school. Some learners require additional emotional support from a counselor, academic support like online tutoring, or a passion outside of school to keep motivated. Regardless of what your child needs or wants, it’s essential to provide options and to give them agency in making decisions. If you’d love them to learn piano but they’re passionate about skateboarding, then you need to come up with a compromise that works for both of you.
2. Give Them Space
Sometimes, our children do something really short-sighted and the consequences immediately come crashing down. As parents, it's our job to be part of the cleanup crew when mistakes are made, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be in a good mood about it.
If you find yourself feeling resentful and negative, it might be a good idea to step back and ask your child’s aunt, older cousin, other parent, or even a grandparent to step in and be a support. It’s okay if you feel triggered by what your child has done, and it’s okay to know when you are out of your depth. You’ll only make the situation worse if you’re too angry to be supportive, so don’t feel bad about giving them space until you calm down.
3. Learn to Listen
As parents, the temptation to give advice is difficult to resist, especially when we hear that our child is going through a difficult time. It is, however, imperative to resist the urge. The simple act of listening can sometimes be the most powerful and effective way to help a child learn.
If you feel strongly about the topic and believe that advice is necessary, take the time to listen properly first. Make no comments – only offer sympathy and understanding. When the child has finished speaking, gently ask if you may offer your views and some advice. This is true support.
4. Teach Conflict Resolution Skills
Conflict is one of the biggest challenges in life. It can leave children and adults craving the advice and empathy of their parents. For better or worse, conflict is unavoidable, so children who are equipped with the tools to handle conflict effectively are going to handle life with greater ease.
Parents who handle conflict well themselves become natural role models for their children. If it’s something you struggle with, it might help to reach out to a counselor to help you, your partner or co-parent, and your child become better at handling difficult situations.
5. Develop a Support Network
Children thrive when they have a network of safe people to turn to if they feel overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do about a problem. There are times when young people need a supportive adult that is not a parent. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends of the family can all be great people to keep in your network. Just be sure to let your kids have a say in who they spend time with and when.
Follow the tips above, and focus on being present with your kidswhenever you spend time together.