9 Tips For Dealing With Divorce During COVID-19
If you and your partner had problems in your relationship before COVID-19, the stress of these uncertain times might have pushed you over the edge. Divorce is stressful, and during a pandemic, it becomes even more so. How can you deal without losing your mind?
You need a plan to move forward. Taking the following nine steps can help you navigate these stormy seas while minimizing the pain on yourself and other family members.
1. Figure Out Your Living Arrangements
During a pandemic, you can’t leave a place to quarantine up to chance. Some states have already issued new shutdown orders as infection rates climb across America.
You might have luck finding a place if you managed to keep your job throughout the crisis. Across the country, landlords have begun eviction proceedings, and others have chosen to sell amid the uncertainty. If you can’t qualify due to lost income, consider moving in with friends or family until you can get back on your feet.
What if you have no place to go? If you and your soon-to-be-ex are amenable, you might consider continuing cohabitation until the pandemic passes. If you are amicable, and it would benefit you both financially, start rearranging your furniture.
2. Divide Your Finances
Regardless of your living arrangements, you and your partner need to divide your income and expenses. Money is one of the top causes of divorce, and the added stress of the pandemic strained many relationships. One of you may want to purchase necessities only, while the other orders takeout several times weekly.
Exercise understanding around this hot-button issue. If one of you recently lost employment, it might be unrealistic to divide debt 50/50. Likewise, one of you may need to downsize until you recover. Be flexible and try to meet each other’s needs as much as possible. Entail the use of a third-party mediator if you can’t agree as to how to split costs. Remember, every dollar you spend on attorney fees is one less to put toward starting anew.
3. Keep Your Family Covered
Imagine one of your children surviving the novel coronavirus — then getting hit with a $1.1 million hospital bill. That figure would bankrupt many. Make sure you keep your family covered with health insurance. If only one of you is working and has coverage, inquire how long you can stay on the family policy. COBRA benefits give you 36 months to replace your plan.
4. Minimize Arguments
You’re trapped under the same roof with someone whom you can no longer live. Anticipate tensions running high, but do the best you can to minimize arguments. Get creative. If you can’t communicate with your ex-to-be in-person without emotions leading to raised voices, message or text each other about crucial matters instead.
5. Make School Plans Early
Even though people of all ages can contract COVID-19, data consistently shows it affects children less often and with less severity than adults. Many schools plan to reopen in the fall, but some areas still need to finalize their schedules. More uncertainty can devastate kids already reeling from your split and current realities — make decisions about school-year custody early. That way, your kids have time to prepare themselves for what’s to come mentally.
6. Stay Away from Substances Like Alcohol
It can seem tempting to turn to the bottle to escape painful emotions temporarily. Try to resist the urge to do so. Alcohol upsets the balance of neurotransmitters in your brain and can worsen anxiety and depression. Plus, if your split becomes contentious, substance abuse will not improve your chances in court.
7. Lean on Outside Help
You need support during this time — lean on your family and friends. If you have the means, you will benefit from at least a few sessions with a therapist to process your emotions healthfully. You can ask grandparents to watch the children if doing so won’t endanger their health while you and your ex-to-be grind out the details of your dissolution.
8. Take Care of Yourself
Everyone faces unprecedented stress levels these days. Adding divorce to a pandemic is enough to push anyone over the edge. Schedule self-care daily — whether it takes the form of exercise, meditation, a hot bath or an afternoon nap.
You could grow overwhelmed — it’s natural. However, if your thoughts turn to self-harm, please reach out to the National Suicide Hotline. The advice is free, and they might be able to connect you with low-cost resources to tend to your mental health.
9. Look at This as a Fresh Start
Your mindset is your lifeline during uncertain times. Instead of viewing your pending divorce as an ending, think of it as a new beginning. You may miss your partner for a long time — but you can now explore independent interests you may have compromised previously.
Did you once dream of studying abroad? If so, could you afford a semester overseas with your altered family responsibilities? Maybe you always wanted to explore off-grid living, but your spouse loved the city. Can you live in an RV temporarily while you build your homestead?
Closed doors can open to reveal new possibilities. Take your time as you heal and get reacquainted with what makes you unique.
Minimize the Pain of Divorce During COVID-19
Even the most amicable divorces entail pain and stress. However, by following the tips above, you can navigate your split, pandemic, or no.